Not that long ago my playlist consisted of totally different music. Ages 0-13 I only ever listened to Taylor Swift, P!nk and Owl City (because of my mother) and Linkin Park and Locnville (because of my dad). The only time i strayed from this was when songs were played on the radio or if they were on Disney Channel, so Selena Gomez and 'Hannah Montanna'. My music was simply based on the CD's my parents would leave on repeat in their car's.
Writing that out it sounds like a lot but now with a music app filled with hundreds of playlists I see how restrictive it is. So what changed? How did my playlist turn into screaming bands and self loathing people in black with eyeliner thicker than extra stuffed pizza crust?
At the age of 14 I got my first boyfriend and he was emo. I wanted to bond with him and understand him and basically drowned myself in punk music until I was forced to like it. Nowadays, I still have some sort of liking to it. One of my favourite bands still is Bring Me The Horizon yet I listen to them sparingly. Yet I am aware of the sorrowful feeling a lot of them give me.
My initial fall from talkative, outgoing and happy was the fault of the people around me and circumstances later in that same year, but punk was now the soundtrack to my fall from who I was. We can't blame the music for the fact that I chose to listen to it at such a dark time, but what can we blame it for?
The lyrics.
Most punk songs are self-deprecating, pessimistic or flat out filled with sadness and hate. That isn't a inherently bad thing, I love deep songs- they're still my favourite kind of music, hence my adoration for The 1975- but what caused me to stop playing Falling in Reverse on repeat?
The way my brain convinced itself the lyrics I listened to were true.
A lot of punk songs go along the lines of, "I'm an outcast and that sucks" or "I suck" or "screw everyone else because I'm outcast so that makes them think they're better than me" or even "the world is a mess and so are we."- now put that in contrast with common rap songs who go along the lines of, "I am the best", "I am amazing.", "nobody can cross me." etc.
Maybe you've heard of affirmations. The words or phrases you tell yourself to teach yourself to believe things or to use the Law of Attraction- how are lyrics NOT affirmations? They're words or phrases you repeat to yourself every time you listen to a song. Your brain absorbs and believes it.
So, I'd rather have my brain being taught to love myself than thinking it should want to "screw the world" just because I'm different, and even if not all rap songs are self-loving and not all punk songs are self-hating, just a quick look into the categories and their top charts will show great evidence to what I've said.
Now, I'm not saying throw out your favourite music but I am saying, even if you think the sound of it is cool or if you find the lyrics cool, while it's playing ask yourself, "How does this make me feel?"
If you wouldn't keep a person who makes you feel bad in your life, why keep music that does the same thing?
If you truly love it, keep it and continue to listen to it, just be aware of what you're telling yourself and your brain via the lyrics you feed yourself. Even if some of the words of a lot of Nicki Minaj's songs are explicit and sometimes mildly uncomfortable, it's more empowering (to me) than a self deprecating Falling in Reverse song.
Follow your heart but protect your heart, too.
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